Seeing People's Annoying Behavior in a New Way

          It is true that we all have needs. According to Abraham Maslow (an American psychologist who was best known for creating Maslow's hierarchy of needs) theorized people's psychological health was predicated on fulfilling innate human needs in priority, culminating in self-actualization. Maslow's novel theory opened up a new vista for looking at human behavior and thinking. Specifically the idea that human behavior, good or bad, could be motivated by the desire to satisfy a genuine need that is common to all. We all require shelter, food, water, and relationship. However, our relational and psychological needs can be quite complex.

         Relational needs can vary from the holy trinity in intimate relationships: passion, commitment and trust. Some require a high level of contact with other people, whereas others need less. Some have overemphasized needs for security and status, and others have greater needs for altruism and community. Human behavior can go to such extremes as constructing delusions that help one escape from painful memories and life experiences. The rather pernicious aspect of relational and psychological needs is that they are often invisible or hidden deep within our hearts and minds, sometimes even unknown to ourselves. They are not evident to those around us. We only see the annoying and frustrating behavior.

        One aspect of family therapy is helping brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers see their family member's annoying or hurtful behavior with an additional lens than a negative one. Because, if we are to accept Maslow's idea, at some level annoying or hurtful behavior is an attempt to satisfy a need that we can all relate to and understand. So consider this, that special someone in your life who annoys the crap out of you may be trying to fulfill a need albeit in an unhealthy and negative way.

        Here is the challenge for you this week. Understand that negativity begets negativity. So if you respond in like to the negative behavior it is likely to continue the negative cycle and make you miserable. Instead, see that annoying behavior- from your boss, spouse, child- as a fellow human being trying to fulfill a need that we would all like to satisfied (i.e. friendship, status, security, hope, and so on). And help them fulfill that need in a positive healthy way. Take compassion on them and see their behavior in a new light.

For examples and further explication of this topic listen to our upcoming podcast on how to actually do this. You can listen in and discuss at our Facebook page or on our website, http://headshrinkinc.podbean.com/