Why the Twerk Don't Work: 3 Reasons Why Good Girls Go Bad

We've all seen the blogs, Tweets, and Facebook statuses being posted after the raunchy performance of Miley Cyrus with Robin Thicke performing his song "Blurred Lines" at the VMA's.

The shock wasn't so much that a female singing artist did a sexualized performance at a venue known for big stars wearing outrageous outfits and doing taboo-breaking acts. The shock was that within a brief amount of time the girl once known as Hannah Montana, a character Miley Cyrus played on the hit Nickelodeon TV show, went from a cute child star loved by millions of children to what we saw at the VMA's.

For those who have been paying attention to the last 20 years of pop culture a trend seems to be showing itself more and more apparent among young female stars (singing and acting). For example, a young female artist breaks out on the scene, has huge success, then slowly becomes more and more sexually provocative in their songs, performances, or movies. The whirlwind of success and compromise begins to take a toll on the celebrity, and they lose touch with reality, i.e. Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Bynes. So the question arises, why does this happen? Here are a few reasons why:

1. Small Compromises Over Time: The nature of Hollywood and show business is that you have to assume a persona, take roles, sing songs, and perform shows based on the demand of the consumer. Some celebrities have managed to maintain their integrity at the expense of more money and popularity. Others give up who they are to meet the demand.

2. Success Versus Identity: The challenge of maintaining integrity is very hard. A rising star is offered roles or opportunities that would normally be refused, yet since there is pressure and big dollar signs attached to the offer, a small compromise is made. The compromises become bigger and bigger. This creates Cognitive Dissonance (which is holding two contradictory ideas in ones' mind, i.e. "I want to be successful" and "I want to maintain my integrity"). If a celebrity wants to be successful, unfortunately due to the nature of the business, that may require compromise. But in order to maintain integrity, one may need to turn down opportunities and settle for being not as popular. Over time, with enough compromises and unresolved cognitive dissonance, the person's identity erodes and they lose their grip on reality.

3. Parents Co-signing: Another unfortunate aspect of show business is that when a person gets successful, they become surrounded with "yes" people. In other words, people who are only involved in the celebrity's life to get something from them, and so they say and do anything to get what they want from the celebrity, including pushing them towards compromise. Typically, the only protector in the celebrity's life is their parents. Sadly though, parents can be sucked in by the promise of success and money, and so the only protector the celebrity might have is gone.

To listen to our podcast and hear more about what happens to Hollywood celebrity's when they compromise, check out

http://www.headshrinkinc.com/

*** Here's the direct link to the Podcast: http://headshrinkinc.podbean.com/2013/08/28/the-twerk-dont-work-miley-cyrus-edition/

Recipe for a Divorce

"My husband told me if things don't change he's thinking about a divorce."

 

 "We have nothing in common anymore."

 

"She's not the same person I married."

 

"We have so much going on we simply don't hang out with one another."

 

 

These are common phrases that I hear when I work with couples. I expect to hear them. When I hear them coming from a friend it catches me off guard. It shouldn't I know, but somehow I think that MY friends won't succumb to the pressures that would lead to divorce.

 

 

In my years of work I have found several common denominators that everyone know about, but over and over it seems people don't pay attention to them. Not paying attention to these things inevitably leads to poor relationships and many times divorce.

 

1. Busyness

Kids in sports Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and every other Saturday. Mom and dad working till late in the evening then going to the gym when they can fit it in. This busyness kills relationship. Give up some things to make time for the important people in your life.  

 

2. Finances

Going into debt over frivolous things, not agreeing on what to spend money on and having separate accounts are the kind of things that will lead to tension in relationships. This tension over a long period of time can lead to a fractured relationship. 

 

3. Extended Family

If you consistently place priority on your parents, siblings and other extended family members you are sure to doom your marriage. You need to place importance on your close relationships.

 

4. Selfishness

The sooner you can treat your spouse like you want to be treated, the less likely it will be that your marriage will end up in divorce. When you make your relationship all about you it sucks for everyone else. No one wants to be around a selfish person.

 

5. Sex

If you're not doing it then you better get started. The less passion in your marriage the more likely it is that your relationship will end. If there are barriers in your way then deal with them. Don't simply refuse to be intimate, it is a marriage killer.

 

All of these seem like no brainers, but they are the things that will end your relationship if you practice them consistently. The key is to be self-aware. Once you know there is an issue DEAL with it. Don't simply hope it will go away or that your partner will deal with it.

 

Doc David

Head Shrink Inc



Knowing how to communicate is most the battle

Communication, it's something we always hear is important, we do it everyday, we see it everyday, we are on the giving and receiving ends of it. It is vital to our functioning in relationships. I have found that communication challenges lead to break ups in families, marriages and business relationships.
So when we had the opportunity to interview Lisa B Marshall we jumped at the chance. Lisa is a high-energy guest that delivers quick, practical tips using a fun storytelling style. She’s author of Smart Talk and Ace Your Interview, host and creator of the Public Speaker podcast, and developer of web-based training Expert Presenter and Powerful Presenter. She's been featured in Huffington Post, CBS Radio, Toronto Sun, Ragan.com, CBS Money Watch, Cosmopolitan, Women’s Day, Glamour, and more. All this, and get this her award-winning podcast, The Public Speaker, has earned over 9 million downloads since 2008 and currently earn over 275,000 downloads each month and is an iTunes top 10 business podcast. So needless to say she has something insightful to say about communication. We needed to do a 2 part podcast because well...you will just have to listen to find out why...

www.headshrinkinc.com

 

That awkward moment when...

Most of the sessions I do happen in the home of the client. This has provided me with numerous opportunities for awkward moments. Usually the client is the one that provides the awkward moment, but sometimes I bring the awkward moment to realization. One of the more typical moments is someone passing gas in session or leaving to use the bathroom for an extended period of time. I often overlook it, while someone in the family ends up laughing. Many awkward moments happen when some family pet jumps on my lap or attempts to "love" my leg. What makes it most awkward is when my client watches and laughs and then does nothing. In our next podcast we recount several moments in which definite awkwardness took place. Have you happened to have any unique awkward moments in your job site?

 

 

Doc Dave

 

www.headshrinkinc.com

 





The Underbelly of Wealth

The Rich Aren't Happy, but I've Never Met a Poor Man Who Doesn't Want to be Rich. Check out our latest podcast on some controversial research on wealth and its affect on those who have it. Check out the link below:

http://headshrinkinc.podbean.com/2013/08/14/oh-youre-rich-btw-youre-probably-a-jerk-also/

Guys and Porn: What you Need to Know

This video demonstrates the dark underbelly of porn. Chronic of even occasional porn use makes serious changes to your brain, sexual libido, and enjoyment of everyday pleasures, and these changes are not for the better! Ted Talk posted an excellent YouTube video on Guys and Porn, check out the link below to watch:

http://www.upworthy.com/this-is-what-happens-when-kids-grow-up-on-unlimited-access-to-pornography?g=2

Do you or someone you know, ever had an issue with porn? Maybe a spouse, friend, or family member.

What impact did you see in their life? Or in yours?

Did they start to withdraw from community and things they once enjoyed?

What is your perspective on porn use use today? And its availability on the Internet?

Join the discussion on our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Head-Shrink-Inc/518104441565598?ref=hl

Or add a comment below in the discussion section of this blog.

To hear Head Shrink Inc's upcoming podcast on the issue, look for it on our Facebook page, or on our website: http://headshrinkinc.podbean.com/

Things to do away with: words edition

Every year it seems there are certain phrases and words that rise to the top of our cultural consciousness. They are created or used in a variety of ways: viral videos, marketing agencies, celebrities etc...  Sometimes these phrase or words should be retired. So for your perusal today here is a short list of things that I believe should be retired as soon as possible.

Best ___________  Ever

This is used so often I wonder how can there be so many best evers?

 

Just sayin

This phrase really mean "I'm being really rude, but want to have a back door strategy in case your feeling are hurt."


Bucket list

I say just live life. Having a list like this leans toward self-centeredness which usually is a bad thing.


So...

When you end your sentence with this word it leaves so much to the listeners imagination. I try not to use it so....


Awesome

This is a word that is supposed to describe something majestic or awe inspiring. When you get back from dinner at Red Lobster and someone asks how it was your response shouldn't be "awesome".

Ni***r

The all offensive N word. I don't care who you are this is a word that should just stop being used period. There is a time that it was used and that time is long gone.


What words or phrases do you think should go away??

Doc David
www.headshrinkinc.com





Seeing People's Annoying Behavior in a New Way

          It is true that we all have needs. According to Abraham Maslow (an American psychologist who was best known for creating Maslow's hierarchy of needs) theorized people's psychological health was predicated on fulfilling innate human needs in priority, culminating in self-actualization. Maslow's novel theory opened up a new vista for looking at human behavior and thinking. Specifically the idea that human behavior, good or bad, could be motivated by the desire to satisfy a genuine need that is common to all. We all require shelter, food, water, and relationship. However, our relational and psychological needs can be quite complex.

         Relational needs can vary from the holy trinity in intimate relationships: passion, commitment and trust. Some require a high level of contact with other people, whereas others need less. Some have overemphasized needs for security and status, and others have greater needs for altruism and community. Human behavior can go to such extremes as constructing delusions that help one escape from painful memories and life experiences. The rather pernicious aspect of relational and psychological needs is that they are often invisible or hidden deep within our hearts and minds, sometimes even unknown to ourselves. They are not evident to those around us. We only see the annoying and frustrating behavior.

        One aspect of family therapy is helping brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers see their family member's annoying or hurtful behavior with an additional lens than a negative one. Because, if we are to accept Maslow's idea, at some level annoying or hurtful behavior is an attempt to satisfy a need that we can all relate to and understand. So consider this, that special someone in your life who annoys the crap out of you may be trying to fulfill a need albeit in an unhealthy and negative way.

        Here is the challenge for you this week. Understand that negativity begets negativity. So if you respond in like to the negative behavior it is likely to continue the negative cycle and make you miserable. Instead, see that annoying behavior- from your boss, spouse, child- as a fellow human being trying to fulfill a need that we would all like to satisfied (i.e. friendship, status, security, hope, and so on). And help them fulfill that need in a positive healthy way. Take compassion on them and see their behavior in a new light.

For examples and further explication of this topic listen to our upcoming podcast on how to actually do this. You can listen in and discuss at our Facebook page or on our website, http://headshrinkinc.podbean.com/