Recipe for a Divorce

"My husband told me if things don't change he's thinking about a divorce."

 

 "We have nothing in common anymore."

 

"She's not the same person I married."

 

"We have so much going on we simply don't hang out with one another."

 

 

These are common phrases that I hear when I work with couples. I expect to hear them. When I hear them coming from a friend it catches me off guard. It shouldn't I know, but somehow I think that MY friends won't succumb to the pressures that would lead to divorce.

 

 

In my years of work I have found several common denominators that everyone know about, but over and over it seems people don't pay attention to them. Not paying attention to these things inevitably leads to poor relationships and many times divorce.

 

1. Busyness

Kids in sports Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and every other Saturday. Mom and dad working till late in the evening then going to the gym when they can fit it in. This busyness kills relationship. Give up some things to make time for the important people in your life.  

 

2. Finances

Going into debt over frivolous things, not agreeing on what to spend money on and having separate accounts are the kind of things that will lead to tension in relationships. This tension over a long period of time can lead to a fractured relationship. 

 

3. Extended Family

If you consistently place priority on your parents, siblings and other extended family members you are sure to doom your marriage. You need to place importance on your close relationships.

 

4. Selfishness

The sooner you can treat your spouse like you want to be treated, the less likely it will be that your marriage will end up in divorce. When you make your relationship all about you it sucks for everyone else. No one wants to be around a selfish person.

 

5. Sex

If you're not doing it then you better get started. The less passion in your marriage the more likely it is that your relationship will end. If there are barriers in your way then deal with them. Don't simply refuse to be intimate, it is a marriage killer.

 

All of these seem like no brainers, but they are the things that will end your relationship if you practice them consistently. The key is to be self-aware. Once you know there is an issue DEAL with it. Don't simply hope it will go away or that your partner will deal with it.

 

Doc David

Head Shrink Inc