10 Things to Know When Navigating Through Family-of-Origin Issues

In a study done by Topham, Larson, & Holman, (2005) they discussed the effects that a dysfunctional family-of-origin has on premarital couples and the maladaptive behaviors brought henceforth into future marriages. Many factors lead to marital dissolution and unhappiness, however, one of the leading causal factors in marital discord is hostile conflict. Researchers (Amato, 1996; Holman & Birch, 2001) have shown that disrupted and dysfunctional family-of-origin histories exert influence on future marital discord if issues are not recognized and worked through. I've heard it said that families are the laboratory of life, which means that we do most of our learning in the family context. The family is where we do the majority of leaning that impacts the rest of our lives. I think of it like training, the way your family of origin deals and respond to conflict teaches us how to deal with and respond to conflict in future relationships. How families manage money, perceive time, work, love, affection and so on affects all our future relationships. 

 Many people who come from "broken" family contexts leave thinking that they're leave all the drama, conflict and pain behind, only to unwittingly respond to future issues in similar ways they did when in their family context. Wherever we go we take with us all our past hurts, joys, pains, relationships, events and actions. Our response to various stimuli is a complex interaction of past events, actions and relationships with the new set of variables. This isn't to say that we don't grow and change, but to some degree, we can never extricate ourselves from our family contexts. Our past and memories largely constitute our identity.
The intention of this study was to understand was to demonstrate empirically what was discussed above, how “select family-of-origin variables, measured premaritally, were predictive of hostile conflict in early marriage” (Topham, Larson & Holman, 2005). For premarital couples, having an understanding of what factors may cause hostile marital conflict in their future marriage would be incredibly valuable information. Unfortunately little to no research has been conducted on the connection between premarital factors and marital hostile conflict, there have only been correlations discovered between premarital factors and marital dissolution and unhappiness.  

 The theoretical frameworks Topham et al based their hypotheses on were Social Learning theory, Multi-generational family theory and Attachment theory. Each of these theories look at the role family-of-origin play in offspring’s future marital satisfaction, stability and the transmission of dangerous behaviors. Six hypotheses were tested but for the sake of brevity I will only mention those which provided statistical significance. The predictive factors for marital conflict included the wives’ family-of-origin environment and approach to discipline. This reinforces the notion that wives are the “gate-keepers” of marriage relationships, since those factors didn't significantly affect husbands. Topham et al proposed this may be that after marriage the wife's family maintains active contact with their daughter and new husband. This, in general, is not true of the husband’s family, they tend to "let go" easier. Therefore, it is likely that unhealthy behaviors, relationships and mindsets are maintained because of the wives’ continued contact with her family.

  The theories were well chosen for the issue of research and provided much insight into the phenomenon. The importance of this study is that it provides a tool for couples coming from dysfunctional families, allowing them to consciously recognize their family’s influence on their behavior and cognitions, and take steps to ensure a stronger and better informed marriage. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. The better understanding one can have of the problem, the more effectively one can step towards healing and growth.

What to Pay Attention to:

1. Conflict can ruin a marriage
2. Family of origin issues shows up in marital couples conflicts
3. The past influences the present
4. Pay close attention to the wives' family of origin issues
5. Family of origin issues is like bad karma, if you avoid it, it will come back to bite you

How to be Successful:

1. Forewarned is forearmed.
2. Don't avoid problems, they have a tendency to get worse.
3. Marriage is the laboratory of life, it gives you an opportunity to experiment with new things and                     grow, embrace the process!
4. Family-of-Origin, consciously and unconsciously, shapes how we think and behave
5. Be patient and flexible with your spouse, for them its normal

References:

Amato, P. R. (1996). Explaining the intergenerational transmission of divorce, Journal of Marriage and the Family, 58, 628–640.

Holman, T. B. & Birch, P. J. (2001). Family-of-origin structures and processes and adult children’s marital quality. In T. B. Holman & Associates (Eds.), Premarital prediction of marital quality or break up: Research, theory, and practice. New York: Plenum Press.

Topham, G. L., Larson, J. H., & Holman, T. B. (2005). Family-of-origin predictors of hostile conflict in early marriage, Contemporary Family Therapy: An International Journal, 27, 101-121.

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